Personal Qualities That Make Open Relationships A Bit Easier
I have been in an open relationship for almost 20 years. I definitely feel like I have found who I am and the relationship style that is right for me, but how do you know if being in an open relationship is right for you?
Previously I have blogged about talking to your partner about opening up your relationship, how to respond if your partner wants to open up your relationship, and what to do after you decide to open up your relationship. Today, I want to talk about some qualities you need if you feel like you want to be in an open relationship.
I think one of the biggest traits you need if you want to be in an ethical, non-monogamous relationship is that you have to be willing to grow and learn. In an open relationship, you will be constantly learning how to communicate better. You will learn how to both vocalize your needs and wants, and you will need to learn to listen to your partner(s) better. You will need to learn about both setting and honoring boundaries. You will need to be willing to learn about yourself, and your past hurts or trauma. You will need to learn how to mend those past hurts and trauma. You will need to learn to trust yourself and your partner(s). I also think if you can reach out to a coach or therapist to help you, you will be able to learn and grow faster. If you refuse to grow or learn, I don’t think an open relationship is right for you. Honestly, if you are unwilling to learn and grow, I think your life will be challenging no matter what type of relationship you are in, as we are all constantly changing and need to learn how to adapt.
If you are a jealous person, I think being in an open relationship, where you see your partner with other people, would be challenging. I believe jealousy is something you can work on and learn how to decrease it. Even after 20 years of being in my open relationship, I still have pings of jealousy. I look at that as a sign of a past hurt that I need to repair and can usually work my way through it pretty quickly.
Being independent is also needed in an open relationship. You have to be able to spend time by yourself, be able to make decisions on your own, and be able to stand on your own two feet. Sure, there are opportunities in an open relationship to be with other people, but those times when you aren’t, you need to be able to be and function alone.
Being able to forgive is something that I think makes being in an open relationship easier. Let’s be honest, we all make mistakes, we all act selfish at times. If you can’t forgive your partner, your open relationship won’t last long because the grudges and resentments will quickly pile up. I’m not saying you need to be a doormat and just deal with your partner doing whatever they want, but you need to be able to discuss it with your partner, come to a mutual understanding about expectations for the future, and move on.
This list is obviously not all inclusive of qualities you need to be in an open relationship, but I feel these are some of the big ones needed. Do you feel like you are pretty solid in these areas or do you need some help improving them? Please reach out to me on social media or at Steph@KoruLifeCoaching.com and I would love to help you strengthen any weakness you have to help you become a better partner and make being in an open relationship a little less challenging.
