You and Your Partner Have Decided to Open Up Your Relationship, Now What Do You Do???
In my previous posts, “How To Talk To Your Partner About Opening Up Your Relationship” and “My Partner Just Asked Me to Open Up Our Relationship, Now What Do I Do?” I give some pointers as to how to ask your partner about opening up your monogamous relationship and what to do/think if your partner asks you to open up your relationship. In the third part of this series, I talk about the next steps to take on this journey of non-monogamy.
First off, congratulations, not because you are opening up your relationship, because you are stepping out and trying something new. Because you and your partner are pushing social norms to do what feels right to you. Because you and your partner are wanting to explore fantasies and desires together. To get to this point, I hope you had a few conversations about what this means to you both and why you want it. I think one of the keys to a successful open relationship (or any relationship) is communication. Being able to have honest, open conversations will only make this easier. I’m not saying these conversations will be easy, but these are the types of conversations that will make your relationship stronger and allow you to know your partner more intimately.
Now, let’s talk about the fun stuff! How do you think you want your open relationship to look? Do you want to have the freedom to flirt and make out with people? Or maybe when you are at a party and things get a bit sexy you want to be able to explore where that goes and potentially have sex with that person. Do you and your partner want to try to find one person to share a connection with? The sky’s the limit!
Sort of. Next you have to find someone to fit the need you want. So where do you look? The internet is a good first stop. There are numerous apps, websites, and groups out there. Start typing in the search bar what you are looking for and see what pops up. You might come across a vacation destination that is a lifestyle resort where you can go to start exploring you and your partner’s desires. Does that sound like a bit much for you? How about trying to search for groups on Facebook where you can ask questions and explore a bit more. Still a bit much? How about just going to a local bar and flirt with people.
Once you start exploring, make sure you and your partner are coming back together and talking about it. Talk about what you liked and what made you nervous. Tell each other how you are feeling. Listen to each other and support one another during the difficult times, as there will be some of them.
Make sure you are having fun together. Find enjoyment watching your partner have fun and be desired by someone else. Allow them to watch you enjoying yourself. There is something special watching your partner being enjoyed the way you enjoy them.
This next one is easier said than done. No expectations. Yes, we probably all have expectations, but don’t get too hung up on them. Sometimes you will have a connection, sometimes you won’t. Find joy in pushing your boundaries, meeting and learning about new people, and becoming closer with your partner until you do find what you are looking for. Even when you don’t connect with someone, enjoy the time you have with them and see what you can learn from them.
Like most things when they are new, there can be some challenging times. There will be confusion about boundaries, misunderstanding of wants, and selfishness. When these times occur, own your part, apologize for your part, and learn from it. And I am talking to BOTH/ALL of you. No matter what happens, if you are part of the relationship, you are part of the cause of the conflict.
I am going to end this blog with probably my most important tip when opening up your relationship, be kind and thoughtful, be respectful, and consent is always necessary, every time. This advice goes to yourself, your partner, and everyone you are lucky enough to meet along the way. The people you are choosing to open up your relationship with are people with feelings too. Treat them with love and respect as you would a friend. That includes asking for consent for everything along the way.
Let me know if you have any questions or comments about opening up your relationship. Reach out to me on social media or at Steph@KoruLifeCoaching.com
