Losing Myself

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I’m not sure even when this started to happen or why, but my life wasn’t as fulfilling to me anymore. I felt emotionally drained frequently. My self-confidence started to melt away. Then came the loss of drive to work out and eat healthily. It didn’t matter where we traveled or what we did, I just lost something, but wasn’t sure what. I was happy yet feeling unsettled.

 

It didn’t make sense to me either. I have a wonderful life. I have a very loving husband and am surrounded by amazing friends. We travel frequently and experience some amazing events. So why was I struggling? Why did I just feel so lost? 

 

I felt lost in my relationship. I felt like I wasn’t seen or heard. I felt like my opinions didn’t matter. 

 

I felt lost in my career. I was burnt out from nursing and lost most of my compassion and faith in mankind. 

 

I felt lost in my life. I felt like I didn’t know what I wanted and I absolutely did not know how to speak about them. 

 

It was a very confusing and frustrating period of time for me (and I’m sure everyone around me). I so longed to be happy but didn’t know what it would take for me to get there again. I even contemplated leaving this life behind and starting fresh. Maybe a new relationship, a new career, a new me would be the only way out of this. 

 

That didn’t sound appealing to me either. I finally reached out to a coach for guidance. I was hoping someone had a map to help me feel less lost. 

 

And they did!! Sort of. The map I so desperately wanted was something I had inside me all this time. I just needed to learn how to read it. 

 

Throughout my life, I have been a people pleaser. I would do what others wanted in order to keep some imaginary peace or happiness. I would lessen my opinions to keep from disrupting the status quo. I never spoke about my dreams or goals because I didn’t have any on my own, I adopted other people’s. 

 

Little did I realize that by burying my thoughts and opinions, I was also burying the map to my happiness. It was finally time to go on a hunt to find my treasure map to happiness!

 

I started by reading “The Breakthrough Experience” by Dr. John F DeMartini. In this book, Dr. DeMartini gives practical insights and tools to transform challenges into opportunities for growth, fulfillment, and success. 

 

I used some of the tools I learned from Dr. DeMartini to look at decisions I have made in my life up to that point to really dig deep down and analyze those decisions as well as what I wanted for my future.  

 

I looked at the decision not to have children. I wrote down the pros and cons of that decision and sat with it until I decided that yes, I really am happy with my decision not to have kids. Being able to confidently say, “I am choosing not to have children” is so much more freeing than wondering if that decision was made because I was trying to make someone else happy. 

 

I also looked at my profession. Did I enjoy bedside nursing or do I feel like I am stuck here for the rest of my career because of a decision I made when I was 8? Again, I broke this down, what did I enjoy about nursing (helping people) and what I didn’t (the verbal and physical abuse I would go through, the people I was helping that had no vested interest in their own health, the way hand soaps/sanitizers would just destroy my hands). Soon I realized that maybe nursing wasn’t the only way to help people. That sent me down a path to get away from bedside nursing and look for another way to help people that feels more in line with who I am today (the birth of my coaching career).

 

This went on and on about different aspects of my life, my marriage, where I lived, my hobbies, etc. I still find myself doing this today. 

 

After I started to figure out what was truly fulfilling to me, I started to look at how I was spending my time. I wrote down who I was spending the most time with and what was I doing. It quickly became obvious that if focusing more on my health was important, so then eating out frequently or sleeping in didn’t align with my goals. Can I also tell you how eye-opening it was to see how much time I spent on social media instead of reading or doing something more in line with my new, clearer focus? 

 

It’s been a few years now since I started down this path and I can’t tell you how great it feels to have more direction and purpose in my life. 

 

Anyone can get lost in their own life. It is very easy to give too much to someone or something. It usually starts off small and insignificant and then grows. You can even be very happy with your life until one day you are not. 

 

Does this resonate with you? Do you feel like you are someone who has lost touch with yourself and is feeling unhappy or unsatisfied? Then pause for a moment and look at your life. Find what still fulfills you and what doesn’t anymore. Talk to those who are close to you and let them know how you are feeling too so they can support you on this journey. You don’t have to suffer and you don’t have to uproot your entire life to find your happiness again.

As always, if you need help during any step of this, please reach out to me at Steph@KoruLifeCoaching.com and I will be happy to help you walk through this and help you come back to yourself!

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Losing Myself

I’m not sure even when this started to happen or why, but my life wasn’t as fulfilling to me anymore.