Those Tough Conversations

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Those Tough Conversations

 

We have all had to have them at one time or another. We have been on both the giving and receiving sides. The topics though have been wide-ranging, sometimes kids or money, maybe sex or feelings. What is this common thread I am going to blog about today? It’s those tough conversations. 

 

My approach to tough conversations has changed recently. In the past, I would become so anxious before I had to have a difficult discussion. My chest would tighten, and my breathing would become shallow. I would repeat what I would say over and over in my brain until I had it as perfect as it could be so as not to offend or upset the other person. 

 

It was exhausting and that was days before I would even have the conversation! And yes, it would take me days to have these conversations. 

 

Recently though, my attitude and approach to tough conversations changed. Let me tell you my approach and why I have changed. 

 

The change started when I stopped being a people pleaser, when I learned my self-worth, and started trusting myself. I felt that going through that change gave me the base to start speaking my mind more overall. 

 

Even though I had more self-confidence and felt like I was able to speak my mind better and more frequently, I still struggled with those really, really difficult talks. 

 

Until I started to realize what a disservice I am doing to the people I was avoiding having these conversations with. 

 

Let me explain more. For me, those really hard conversations are usually with the people who mean the most to me. They are the same people who love me and accept me the most. Then how fair is it that I am withholding information that may help them to understand me even better? 

 

Now when I am having these conversations, I do always try to speak with respect.There are times I say something that comes out a bit messy or as I refer to as “sideways.” I apologize as soon as I realize it and try to explain what I really mean. 

 

I also try to remind myself that my feelings and opinions do matter. I know that can sound simple but I struggled with this for a long time. In attempts not to ruffle feathers, I would convince myself that I was ok without whatever or saying whatever. Realizing how much I value the other person’s feelings makes me really think about how much they must value mine. Holding this back is not benefitting anyone and blocking them from getting to know me better. 

 

Now when I find myself replaying conversations over and over in my head, I stop myself and just blurt out what I want to say. It still can come out sideways at times, I am just not as worried about that either because it is me being me. The feeling I get now when I do speak my mind overcomes any worry about being misunderstood.

 

I get such a freeing feeling when I speak my mind now. I feel so light and proud of myself.  

 

Do you avoid difficult conversations? Reach out to me at Steph@KoruLifeCoaching.com and I would love to help you find the confidence and trust in yourself so you can speak your mind.

 

What you have to say is valuable! 

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