Marla is back for the second part of her story about working through difficult times in her ethical non-monogamous (ENM) relationship. In her first part, Marla talks about some struggles she had opening up her relationship, acknowledging and working through her emotions, and learning to communicate better. Let’s see what Marla learns in part 2 of her story.
When You Can’t Control the Issues
As I mentioned in the background of our relationship, I met my boyfriend during the initial phases of the pandemic. We spent a few months talking both online, over the phone and over face time. When it started to look like things might be “normal” later in the summer, we decided we want to meet in person. I planned a trip back to the east coast to see my parents who I hadn’t seen since the October before when we departed for our respective cities from a tour of Italy, Greece, Croatia and Montenegro. I was feeling better about getting on a plane and seeing them, since our offices were staffed with minimal staffing and the people we were seeing was fairly consistent. I found a ridiculously cheap flight from Denver to Baltimore and he decided to drive down from New York to Baltimore. Hardly anyone was flying, so exposure risk was extremely minimal, plus I was masked the entire time. He was working from home still and was only in contact with his parents and daughter. We met in person, as I said, on September 11, 2020 and the rest is history. We have been very lucky in that the last 22 months, we have had only one possible COVID scare. This past January a few days before a trip to NYC, I had a sore throat but tested negative. A couple days after I got home, my husband and his girlfriend BOTH tested positive, after stating they couldn’t taste anything. I of course tested and it was also positive. I called my boyfriend to let him know as I had just been with him and his daughter so he could watch for symptoms from both of them. Thankfully, neither of them ever became symptomatic.
As you can imagine, a long distance relationship requires a decent amount of work figuring out trips to actually spend time together. Add in the polyamorous relationship style, multiple shift work schedules, a Monday-Friday work schedule with on call time where they’re required to be in the area and a custody schedule…yeah, it can be a nightmare! I’m a bit of a brat in that I LOVE Colorado in the summer and being 5 minutes from our local state park. We can take our boat out or I go out on my paddleboard on my own….point of this is I don’t like to LEAVE Colorado in the summer! This summer, we were able to find a weekend where my boyfriend could take some weekday leave and come out so we could do all the things I love to do out here and spend some time with my friends and family here. I asked my husband if he was ok to stay at his girlfriend’s house for the duration of my boyfriend’s stay. He said he was fine with that. I asked his girlfriend if she was ok with Tom staying at her house for the weekend. She said absolutely. We were all so excited. I anxiously counted down the days, made some plans for a barbecue and dinner at one of my favorite restaurants with an amazing view. His flight was supposed to get in around 1030 one Thursday night.
We started texting early in the morning the day he was due to fly in. Everything seemed good to go. Around 11 am my time, he texted me asking if I was busy. My first thought (cause as a nurse you think the worst!) was that something happened to his parents or daughter. We got on the phone and he told me he had a sore throat. He had taken a COVID test and it came back inconclusive. He made an appointment at his local pharmacy to get a lab test done but it wasn’t until 6pm and the results would not be available for 24-48 hours. He for SURE wouldn’t make his flight out that night and it was questionable for the next night. We game planned for possible scenarios to still get him out to Colorado if his test came back negative and in a reasonable time for him to fly and make the best of it.
The next morning, I woke up and immediately texted him, asking if there were results. At the time, they weren’t available. But a couple hours later, I get a text – POSITIVE. My heart BROKE! I was so bummed. We had all been looking forward to this for WEEKS, not just me but also Tom and his girlfriend, our other friends who were coming to meet him for the first time and my friends from work who have actually gone to NYC with me and have enjoyed spending time with him.
So…this is a fantastic scenario of how this is COMPLETELY out of any one’s control. We’ve made it 22 months with only ONE interrupted trip through a worldwide pandemic. Really can’t complain about THAT! But now what? What do I do? I don’t normally have all this time to myself without already having plans! Well, we still spent time on our boat and had a barbecue with everyone else Friday night. I helped my husband and his girlfriend move some stuff in her house and the three of us went to breakfast Saturday morning. The one thing I would not ask them to do was to completely alter their plans since mine had changed. And Tom understands that while I am naturally upset my boyfriend can’t be here, he doesn’t need to be my “savior” and to respect his relationship and keep their plans as originally set forth. Saturday night I still went to dinner at my favorite restaurant with my friends. I slept in on Sunday morning and then decided to put some of my thoughts on paper (yes, this blog post!). I still have a few hours to kill and may go out for a bit but quite honestly, I am enjoying some alone time! I have some sexual wellness education to complete for my side business and we have since decided on dates for my next trip to New York City!
Way to go Marla in finding the best in a situation that was out of your control! Thank you for opening up and sharing some of your experiences in your relationships. It seems the lessons you have learned can be beneficial to everyone in any relationship. If you didn’t read Marla’s first blog, Masturbation Month, go check it out now!
I would love to hear what lessons you have learned from reading Marla’s blogs. Drop me a line on social media or send me an email to Steph@KoruLifeCoaching.com
