DAILY NEGATIVE AFFIRMATIONS
Say what?!?!?! Did I throw you for a loop with that statement? I hope so.
We have all heard that daily “positive” affirmations can help increase our self-esteem and confidence because our subconscious mind cannot tell the difference between a memory and a thought. As we repeat these positive thoughts, our brain’s neurons are rewired to assume that affirmation to be the truth. With this reprogramming of our subconscious thoughts, we then start thinking, behaving and attracting that positive thought.
So, how many of you use daily “positive” affirmations? I admit, I only do it in times of stress. I fail to repeat them daily and only do it when I remember.
Now, how many of you use daily “negative” affirmations? I’m going to guess each and every one of you, myself included.
Let me give you some examples of what I mean when I say a “negative” affirmation. When someone compliments you on how you are dressed, do you dismiss it and belittle it? “Oh, this dress is so old!” When you put on a pair of jeans that don’t fit like they used to, do you agonize over how your body changed during the pandemic? When you wake up in the morning after staying up way too late with friends, do you look at the bags under your eyes and cringe? When someone compliments you on the great job you did on the presentation you put a lot of time and effort into, do you tell them that you were just doing your job?
On the surface, these don’t sound like you are blatantly being self–critical, but can you see how even these neutral sounding statements and feelings can hurt your self –esteem? Let me show you how in regards to the above examples. You squash it when someone says something nice to you and you don’t let their kindness in. You don’t give yourself grace for how you survived the pandemic and the disruption of your routine along with increased stress. You stayed up late to enjoy time connecting with friends. You don’t allow yourself to be recognized for your hard work. Do you see it clearer now? Can you start to see how trying to be modest or even belittling yourself over an outcome instead of giving yourself some compassion as to why you feel/act/look a certain way can be “negative”?
I also want to give you a list of words and actions that I want you to start cutting out of your vocabulary and give you some replacements to help minimize those “negative” thoughts.
Say “Thank You” when someone gives you a compliment. That’s it, nothing else. No need to belittle it. No need to try to compliment them back. Yes, this feels weird at first. If you are like me, you probably won’t believe them at first either. I want you to start listening to what they are saying and start believing it, because it’s true!
Saying should/shouldn’t. I should go to the gym. I shouldn’t eat this pint of ice cream. Trying saying those out loud. How did it make you feel? Should/shouldn’t can feel so controlling and feels like you need to be perfect. That just adds more pressure when you do/don’t do something. Instead, try using could. I could go to the gym. Doesn’t that sound more freeing and like you are giving yourself the option? I could eat this pint of ice cream. Doesn’t it sound like you have the openness to do what feels good to you? Or, I could eat just half of it!
Using the word can’t, as in “I can’t do this.” How limiting does that feel? Try using the word won’t instead. “I won’t do this now until I learn how to do it safely.” You give yourself permission to learn and grow instead of limiting yourself.
Do you ever say never or always? “I never get my way”. Doesn’t that sound so finite? Try instead using sometimes and often. “I sometimes/often get my way and you sometimes/often get your way.” Can you see how that isn’t all or nothing?
Stop saying, “I’m not as good as XX”. Stop comparing yourself to others. If you haven’t noticed yet, we are all different. We all have our own sets of skills and talents. Just because you aren’t a world famous painter, doesn’t mean you need to skip out on the Paint and Sip a friend planned. When you get that invitation, say to yourself, “I am the best version of me and if my painting isn’t as good as XX, that’s ok, because I will have fun doing it.”
Stop using the word but, it negates anything you have said before it. I am happy I am working out more, but I still haven’t lost any weight. Instead, try using the word and. I am happy I’m working out more and I can’t wait to see how my body changes!
How many times do you say, “I have to do something.” Have to and has to again feels like you have no room for choice. Using I choose to or I want to allows you to have the flexibility and freedom to make your own choices without the guilt.
What do you think about the word trying? It can sound deflating, defeated and give an impression of failure and doubt about the outcome. Do you now understand the negative connotation that comes with using trying? Instead, use I am doing to give the impression of accomplishment and that you will complete what your goal is.
As I wrap this up, I hope you can see how just a slight tweak in your choice of words can help you feel more confident and bring you more joy and happiness. I challenge you to pay attention to, not only these words, but other words you use and the feeling they give you to eliminate your “negative” affirmations.
